That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
pray to the hookup gods
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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