There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
