I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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