what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
