I queefed so loud it echoed.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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