i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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