This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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