i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
