The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize