I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize