okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
