I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
