I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
