you guys were way drunker than both of me
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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