how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
