how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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