I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
