Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
