You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize