his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
