My sheets look like a crime scene.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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