its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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