please come you make the beer taste better
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize