i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
