I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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