in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize