i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
did you just send me my own nude
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
