i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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