Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
