You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
