girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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