you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
