forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
