mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
