Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
