problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Randomize
