Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
