I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
