Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
