i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
