he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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