I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
