They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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