I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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