My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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