i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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