so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Boobs are out for the taking
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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