Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
