can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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