He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have aggressive nipples.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
