ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
