I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My liver just broke up with me...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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