Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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