can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
