you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
