I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
