keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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