ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she smelled like a LAN party
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
my poor anus
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
