Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize