Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
