omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize