Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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