Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
