i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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