I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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