If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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