my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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