Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
