Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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