I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
