first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
