So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
