Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
