Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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