I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
