Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
