Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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