what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
