yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize