its not stalking. its research.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
