If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
