I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
