You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
