i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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