so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize