Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
