yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wish you could order shots online.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
