Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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