my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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