Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
