why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
