I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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