she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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