I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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